NOTES: The below article is a JOKE.  The LIVING PARADOX PRESS was similar to THE ONION (a satirical weekly publication)

ORLANDO, FL - His actions shocked the entertainment industry, well, at least a few people at Viacom International's "Nickelodeon" childrens television network. Steve [Burns], the overly naive 'host' of Nick Jr.'s superstar "Blue's Clues", entered an unknown rehab center after assulting a microphone operator and a makeup artist backstage. He will remain there indefinatly.

"We had no idea he was a drunk," says Dr. Angela Wilder, director of research for Blue's Clues. "If we knew he had a problem, we would have probably gotten him help. But sadly, we didn't know or didn't care." "We have postponed future show tapings until we can find a suitable 'Stunt Steve'," she added.

Friends and family say Burns has had drinking complications in the past.

According to mother Jeneane, "I remember when little Stevie was in 5th grade, he game back from Bobbie Martin's birthday party completely plastered."

Steve also has a record with the Pennsylvania highway patrol for having an open bottle of vodka in the front seat. He also attacked his arresting officer with a bowie knife, landing him six months in a local jail. Mr. Burns could not be reached for comment.