Dear Steve Burns,

I feel badly that whenever I tell people about the Musical Odyssey of Steve Burns, they usually say: "Who?" then i say, "Well, he's the former host of Blue's Clues, the popular children's television show." and then they say, "Oh, that guy. I thought he was dead."

That's kind of dismal.

I know you are not dead, becos I met you. You came to WKDU and let me interview you for two hours. You really, really wanted to leave after about fifteen minutes. You wanted to go back to your hotel room and eat goldfish crackers becos you were sick with what may or may not have been the Bubonic Plague. However you were polite enough to wait for me to tell you to go, which I didn't. Sorry.

Maybe you felt that since we bought you a package of Soft n' Chewy Cookies from the vending machine in the hallway you owed us an extra long interview. Like if you were to say, "This is fun and all, but I would like to go. I am tired of talking about my haircut and favourite shellfish. Also, you made me listen to a cover version of 'Light My Fire' by Rick Moranis," I would slam my fist down on your face and scream "We bought you chewy cookies of chocolatey softness! YOU AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE, MONKEYSHINES!!!"

Actually now that I think of it you only ate three of the cookies cos you gave one to me. I ate the cookie, which was stupid, cos you had the Bubonic Plague and probably breathed all over it. But really Mr. Burns, thanks for giving me such insights into your Rock and Roll Music and the Magical Realm of Children's Television. You are very nice for a guy that everybody thinks is dead.

Love,