The Blue's Clues guy's alternate uses for the Thinking Chair

One of the most notable objects in my apartment is the original Blue's Clues Thinking Chair.  It's an enormous piece of furniture, it looks like a cartoon, and it's extremely useful in times of thought.  It is also extremely useful in times of overflowing dirty laundry.  It is equally useful as a drum, a place for thought, and a receptacle for dirty laundry ... [Blue's Clues] gave it to me for my 25th birthday.

I have a giant blue shag rug, and there are dust rhinos, big blue tumbleweeds, all over my apartment.  Giant blue dustballs.  I have to remove them with a chair and a whip.  I have to drive them back under the Thinking Chair, from whence they came.

My family has a "Tackiest Christmas Gift" contest, and I'm the hands-down champion.  Sometimes the gifts are so bad that I have to take them with me.  The best one has been a disturbingly large bullfighting bull.  It's as big as a good size cat.  And it sits there, as a totem of virility in my bedroom, because it's extremely well-hung -- it is terrible to behold.  As a former Kid's show host, I find it necessary to keep virility totems around.  As many as possible.